How To Get The Truth Out of Anyone!(Part 4)

Phase Three – Eleven Silver Bullets: How To Get The Truth Without Beating It Out Of Them
To convey honesty and truthfulness in your message, use the following techniques: Look the person directly in the eyes. Use hand movements to emphasize your message. Use animated gestures that are fluid and consistent with the conversation. Stand or sit upright – no slouching. Don’t start off with any statements such as “To tell you the truth…” or “To be perfectly honest with you…” Face the person straight on. Don’t back away.

Liars need an incentive to confess. The payoff for confessing needs to be immediate, clear, specific, and
compelling. You can’t just tell a person what he’ll gain by being truthful or lose by continuing to lie; you must
make it real for him – so real, in fact, that he can feel, taste, touch, see, and hear it. Make it his reality. Let him
experience fully the pleasure of being honest and the pain of continuing the lie. Involve as many of the senses as
you can, particularly visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. Create images for the person to see, sounds for him to hear,
and sensations that he can almost feel. You want to make this experience as real as possible. First state the
positives, then state the negatives, and then present the choice.

Silver Bullet 1: If You Think That’s Bad, Wait Until You Hear This!

This bullet works well because it forces the liar into thinking emotionally instead of logically. It alleviates his guilt
by making him feel that he’s not alone, and it throws him off by creating a little anger and/or curiosity. Plus he
thinks that you and he are exchanging information, instead of his giving you something for nothing.

Sample question formation: “The reason I’m asking you these questions is that I’ve done some things that I’m not
too proud of, either. I can understand why you might have… In a way I’m almost relieved. Now I don’t feel too
bad.” At this point he will ask you to get more specific about your actions. But insist that he tell you first. Hold out
and he’ll come clean.

Silver Bullet 2: It Was An Accident. Really!

This is a great strategy because it makes him feel that it would be a good thing to have you know exactly what
happened. He did something wrong, true, but that is no longer your concern. You shift the focus of your concern to
his intentions, not his actions. This makes it easy for him to confess to his behavior and “make it okay” with the
explanation that it was unintentional. He feels that you care about his motivation. In other words, you let him know
that the source of your concern is not what he’s done, but why he’s done it.

Sample question formation: “I can understand that maybe you didn’t plan on its happening. Things just got out of
control and you acted without thinking. I’m fine with that – an accident, right? But if you did this on purpose, I
don’t think that I could ever forgive you. You need to tell me that you didn’t do it intentionally. Please.”

Silver Bullet 3: The Boomerang

This bullet really throws a psychological curveball. With this example you tell him that he did something good, not
bad. He’s completely thrown off by this. For example, you want to see if your interviewee has lied on her resume.

Sample question formation: “As we both know, everybody pads his resume just a bit. Personally, I think it shows
guts. It tells me that the person isn’t afraid to take on new responsibilities. Which parts were you most creative with
on this resume?”

Silver Bullet 4: Truth or Consequences

With this bullet you force your antagonist to work with you or you both end up with nothing. This is the exact
opposite of the boomerang. Here the person has nothing unless he cooperates with you. Since you have nothing
anyway (the truth), it’s a good tradeoff for you. Let’s say you suspect that your housekeeper has stolen from you.

Sample question formation: “I’d rather hear it from you first. I can live with what you did/what happened, but not
with your lying to me about it. If you don’t tell me, then it’s over. If you tell me the truth, things can go back to
how they were. But if you don’t, then we have no chance here, and you’ll have nothing.”

Silver Bullet 5: Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

Human beings place a premium on that which is scarce. Simply put, rare equals good. You can dramatically
increase your leverage by conveying that this is the only time that you will discuss this. Let him know that (a) this is
his last chance he’ll have for explaining himself, and (b) you can get what you need from someone else. Try
increasing the rate of your speech as well. The faster you speak, the less time he has to process the information, and
it conveys as stronger sense of urgency. Give a deadline with a penalty for not meeting it. Deadlines force action.
If the guilty party think that he can always come clean, then he will take a wait-and-see approach before tipping his
hand. Let the person know that you already know and have proof of his action. And admitting his sins now will
give him the opportunity to explain his side.

Sample question formations: “I want to hear it from you now. After tomorrow, anything you say won’t make a
difference to me.” –––– “I know what happened/what you did. I was hoping I would hear it from you first. It would
mean a lot to me to hear your side of it. I know there are two sides to every story, and before I decide what to do, I
want to hear yours.” Hearing this gives him the feeling he still has a chance if he confesses. After all, what really
happened can’t be as bad as what you heard. Confessing now is a way of cutting his losses.

Silver Bullet 6: Reverse Course

You convey to him what happened or what he did was a good thing insofar as it allows you and he to establish an
even better relationship – personal or professional. You give him an opportunity to explain why he took that choice.
You also blame yourself.

Sample question formation: “I understand why you would have don’t that. Clearly you wouldn’t have unless you
had a good reason. You were probably treated unfairly or something was lacking. What can I do to help so that it
doesn’t happen again?” Keep interjecting the following phrases: “I take full responsibility for your actions. Let’s
work together to see how we can avoid this from happening again. I understand completely. You were right to do
what you did.”

Silver Bullet 7: I Hate To Do This, But You Leave Me No Choice

This is the only strategy that involves threat. You let him become aware that there are going to be greater
ramifications and repercussions than just lying to you – things that he never thought about. You rely on his
imagination to set the terms of the damage that you can inflict. His mind will race through every possible scenario
as his own fears turn against him.
Sample question formation I: “I didn’t want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice.” This will propel
him to respond: “Do what?” At this point he’s waiting to see what the tradeoff will be. But do not commit
yourself to an action. Let him create in his own mind scenarios of what you will do unless he confesses. Sample question formation II: “You know what I can do, and I’ll do it. If you don’t want to tell me now, don’t.
I’ll just do what I have to do.” After this statement, pay close attention to his response. If he focuses on what
you will do to him, the odds lean more toward guilty. However, if he reasserts that he’s done nothing, he may
in fact be innocent of your accusation. The guilty person needs to know the penalty to determine if it makes
sense for him to stick to his story.

Silver Bullet 8: I Guess You’re Not Allowed

Never underestimate the power of appealing to a person’s ego. Sometimes you want to inflate it, and others times
you want to attack it. This bullet is for attacking. It’s truly saddening how fragile some people’s egos are.

Sample question formations: “I think I know what it is – you’re not allowed to tell me. Somebody else is pulling
the strings and you’ll get in trouble. You’d tell me the truth if you could, but you don’t have the power to do so.”

Silver Bullet 9: Higher Authority

As long as the person believes that you are on his side, he’ll take the bait. All you have to do is let him know that
anything he’s lied about can now be cleared up in seconds. However, if anyone else finds out about it later, it’s too
late. Let’s say that you want to know if your secretary leaves early when you’re out of the office.

Sample question formation: “The vice president from corporate is coming in today. He’s asked about your hours,
so I’m going to tell him that you come in early on the days that you leave early. Do you remember what days last
month you finished up early and took off?” This is disarming, and you’re not yelling at her or demanding answers.
You’re on her side, and you’re going to work together to smooth things over.

Silver Bullet 10: The Great Unknown

You can obtain maximum leverage by explaining how the ramifications of his deceit will be something that the
suspect has never known before. Even if he believes that you are limited in what you can do to him and in what the
penalty will be, the severity of the penalty can be manipulated in two major ways to make it appear much more
severe: time and impact. Time: Give no indication of when the penalty will occur. When things happen unexpectedly, the degree of
anguish is more potent. Impact: Convey that his entire life will be disrupted and drastically altered for the worse. He needs to see that
this event is not isolated and will instead have a ripple effect. When bad things happen we are often comforted
in knowing that it will soon be over and the rest of our life will remain intact and unaffected. But if these things
are not assured, we become increasingly fearful and concerned.

Silver Bullet 11: I Couldn’t Care Less

A primary law governing human nature is that we all have a need to feel significant. Nobody wants to be thought of
as unimportant, or feel that his ideas and thinking is irrelevant. Take away a person’s belief that he has value and
he’ll do just about anything to reassert his sense of importance. Your apathy toward the situation will unnerve him
immensely. He will begin to crave recognition and acceptance, in any form. He needs to know you care what
happens, and if talking about his misdeeds is the only way he can find out, he will.

Sample question formations: “I know and I just don’t care. This is not for me.” ––– “I’ve got other things to think
about. Maybe we’ll talk some other time.” ––– “You do what you have to do, that’s fine with me.” To be more
powerful, stare at him. When you stare at someone he often feels less significant and will seek to reassert his value.